so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
