yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize