Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
