Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
