Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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