Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
