In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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