its not stalking. its research.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
