Is it because I queefed?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
