Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
