he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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