dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
