Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
