I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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