whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I looked at my own cervix.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
