I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
