Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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