Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
