Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
