Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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