Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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