What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
