And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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