Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I would ride that face into the sunset
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
