M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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