She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
