She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
