So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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