I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
