I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
