So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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