So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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