real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize