If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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