and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
