Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
