From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
