oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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