I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
