The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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