Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
