Your face is a jimmy john
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
