'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
