How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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