Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize