Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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