Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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