how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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