We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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