Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
