Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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