ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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