I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
