Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
