I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
