found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
