in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
