you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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