just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
