If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
