that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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