I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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