I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
