he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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