Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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