so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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