Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
MIDGETS
????
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
