she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
