pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
