i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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