So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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