So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just had sex bonerless
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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