I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
