So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
