I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
