I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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