He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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