I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
