we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
