Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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