why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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