So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
