i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
40s are totally the cure
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
